Happy New Years, my darling family!!!
What a whirlwind of a week. I can say it was one of the biggest growing weeks since I've been on my mission. Very difficult. Many hours pondering, repenting, changing. and I am HAPPY!! :)
We have felt like we've been in a fog this whole transfer in general. We have been super struggling with numbers. In Leadership, we have a responsibility to be the example of the BEST MISSIONARY EVER!!!!! but alas.... our area was seriously not good. My thinking kinda went like this "Sister Watts, how can you help other people be awesome if you can even get your crap together." or something like that.... :) really I haven't had such low numbers since right out of training.... BUT!!! I am so grateful because it has forced me to turn to God. I forgot my vision of Walking with Him! So--- Here is the story. President asked us to go in on New Years Eve at 6:30 pm and not leave the apartment til 3pm on New Years Day. He had a whole program to walk ourselves through- We began with deep cleaning our apartment for 2 hours. It was miraculous. I can promise if you feel you can't connect with God or you want to have a special revelatory experience- Clean your home. The spirit was vibrating in the home as we sat down and started the New Years devotional. The following hours changed me. They reminded me of my vision for my life. WHO I want to become. President gave us 10 papers/assignments to accomplish. Most were questions to ponder about 2014 and the rest of our life!! (deep stuff)
Why am I here?
What is different about me?
If I could change one thing about my service what would it be?
It helped me see what God wanted me to change- what His vision for me is.
The next morning was all about our future.
What is your vision for your life?
What do you want your life to be like when your 50?
What do you want your relationship with God to be like? marriage? home?
When you go home, what kind of woman do you want your family to see you have become?
and on and on.... with deep doctrinal scriptures, talks and such all weaved in. It was a feasting of the spirit. It was beautiful to see how God has molded me this year.
It prepared us for Mission Leadership Council the following day. We were called to repentance again. It was beautiful. I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is real and it WILL change you as you invite it into your life. Many things taught has caused a great change within me.... let me share.
We are to build on our parents legacy. Offer more, better, a different gift to our children. We have been given more than they were given- and it's our duty to offer more than we were. Imagine if each generation improved their family... We would all go to the celestial kingdom or something. ;)
"It is just as prideful to think you don't need God than it is to think God doesn't need you."
I fell into this ploy of Satan- I got so indoctrinated in his garbage in my mind I forgot who I was. I based my worthiness on how successful I was. I wasn't performing on the level I believed I should be and therefore I was of no worth and God could not use me. But the key here is- me thinking I wasn't enough to be in Leadership/a missionary is saying that God doesn't know what he is doing. God called me on a mission. He planted the desire to serve in my heart (D&C 4) He says Sister Watts you can do this with my help. Is this making sense? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this-- I think it is a very important concept to believe and live.
The real question here is Who is going to win? It is a fight everyday. What are we going to think like? Satan or the Savior? In whom will we trust? Ourselves or the Savior. Cut the fluff. Cut the murkiness, odd behavior and thought. We must see beyond our own infirmity if we are to ever be effective servants of Christ. We must call upon the Savior- remove the mist of darkness and scales over our eyes. This is God's work. Do hard things. Do the Illogical. Seek the divine. Set yourself in order. Forget yourself. I know that God will guide your life to more fruitful, bright, satisfying fields you could not accomplish on your own merits. I know because of what happen the last two days of this week. We focused on the little things. We did the very thing that we didn't want to do because we knew it was what God desired. We walked in the bitter cold and saw success! My goodness. We have to rely fully upon Christ. I haven't been so guiltlessly happy. What I found very effective releasing stress is speaking in a British accent. It has potential of getting ya in trouble though-- it's hard to turn off when you knock a door! ;)
Miracles come from exact obedience. We had no investigators this week... Lorin was in the hospital with the Flu (scary story) and we were struggling. No one to come to church. Then God stepped in and made something AWESOME happen. We somehow got a member out with us and saw Gabe Saturday night- we talked on the porch because there was the flu inside (flu is of the devil- every citizen in Kentucky contracted the flu this week) We invited him to church. HE ACCEPTED! (Haven't even taught him a lesson yet) and he said we could come by and teach him before church. We teach the restoration. The spirit was strong. He comes to CHURCH!!! and before leaving (after all three hours) he said "This is the right one. This is the right church." He is 19. Owns his own business and has been searching for a church that is right- is comfortable. yeah. There is no way 2 20 year old girls could make that happen. God is in control. He is at the head of this church. He is preparing those who are ready to receive all the blessing and gifts of His original and ancient church. and boy what a sight to see it all come about.
I love you Family. Focus on what really matters. What offers true and lasting happiness and don't give yourself such a hard time. Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life.